There are three definite situations in which neither party can ever agree on:
One. A roommate disagreement.
Two. Drivers in the highway
Three. A breakup
(you should know the only reason why I am writing this is because I want to talk about disagreeable situation number three).
The thing about breakups is that you get over them with friends who always nod warmly, keep count of your drinks and repeat on and on that your ex is a fucker, or something. They never actually help you.
What is there to do in such disruptive moments?
There's rebounds, parties, alcohol, the possibility of starting fresh.
No thanks, my bed is more comfy, my laptop more reliable.
His Facebook? I know it as if it was mine. I've been all up on that shit.
Movies? No thank you, I particularly don't want to cry watching Jennifer Aniston fall in love, or gross up my keyboard with melted ice cream.
I will turn to google instead.
How to get over your ex? Boom, 752.000.000 results in 0,38 seconds.
So I begin on reading, because my pizza is not here yet and I don't have a boyfriend no more.
Recipes of 10 steps, 7 steps, 18 steps of "how to"s. Anything from getting drunk and acting libidinous, to God knows best.
I did some of them. I erased him from my room, hardware, and Facebook. Ok good, what else? I dressed up pretty and called a boy for attention. Ok good, what else? I led myself cry the fuck out and scared my next door neighbor in the process.
Nothing.
I'm not about to make myself believe that "I know it was for the best" because I simply had a precious relationship that I don't and won't regret. Or that I am a newborn feminist that needs no man. No No. No, because I know that being alone is not what I came to do in this earth. I know that alone I (no one) can't accomplish everything. Because behind a great man there's always a great woman (and viceversa).
(I now close Google)
Since none of those answers did it to me, I've decided to make one myself by applying stuff I learned in class to my life. The Verstehen Approach. Geertz, the guy who developed this theory of Think Description, is one of the biggest Anthropologists of all time that didn't believe in cultural evolutionism or relativism. He simply believed that a good ethnographer would merely write down a story, freezing it in time. No analysis, no judgement. He said that if you don't understand a culture, it's your god damn problem, not theirs.
(pause)
This is me, trying to step into his drum set and follow his Verstehen Approach, Bring it Geertz.
Having a girlfriend is impeding me from really stepping up my game and becoming an accomplished drummer. I just can't make commitments without feeling bad about not seeing her, visiting her, being a boyfriend to her. I just don't have the dedication and attention she deserves. Might as well end it here and take advantage of the time I have left in the place where I'm supposed to be. It will be hard, but I know that one day I'll go back and think to myself "yeah, good move dude."
My friends agree with me, so it must not be crazy. Whenever I tell them this is something I need to do they nod warmly. My dad also thinks this is the time to explore and play as much as I can (and she always said how wise and smart my dad is). Might as well listen to him. My mom is worried about paying for my education: maybe I can use the time I spend with her, working and getting paid...
You know what: F*ck Geertz.
Dude, you feel trapped not because of me, but because you don't feel you are doing enough. You have always being a confident person. Now you wander around seeing what everyone else is doing. You are relying on friends that will hardly question your decision (because they don't fucking know you). I mean, what you are saying is completely normal: "this is my time," "I have to do this." What are they supposed to say? Those are the most clichéd excuses in the world. Everybody does that. It's so normal, but so stupid. Since when are you average?
I won't allow You to make ME your excuse.
Your parents are fucking with you, sorry but they are. Your dad went through a hard relationship that made him really cautious about who to rely on (the answer: no one). For him, relationships are constricting, far from empowering, nutritious, or useful. They are only distractions. This eventually has gotten under your skin. Your mom? You know very well she can be a little too melodramatic. She doesn't trust your father, she doesn't want to rely on your father. Of course she is going to insist on you working, on doing this or that to make things work. She is sending a message to your dad, through you: she can do it without his help.
You feel trapped, claustrophobic, which is completely normal. You are in a small school where all your accomplishments must be public and advertised. What choice do you have but fill your life up with shit you don't care about, only to feel and look busy. What choice do you have but pretend you're fine, because (you think) you are running out of time. What choice do you have if people are telling you you'd be ok.
I sincerely tell you to let yourself feel your thoughts. I'm sorry to break your heart, but I am not the reason why you feel the way you do. I am sorry to tell you that you will do ok with or without me. That you are going to be the person you were born to be without this pressure on your back. You are more than a musician, don't you dare forget that. You will never be a failure. You long passed that. Take an American chill pill (as Barney once said). Just don't make me responsible. Don't let your drums break you down.
Be true to yourself.
Anyways, my pizza is here.
